I still can't sit here all alone!!!

 I yelled at you , I nagged you , I blew things out of proportion when they were the smallest of issues between us, I made you feel like you were never good enough and whatever you did I never acknowledged, I made you feel scared that I will turn into someone you can't deal with, I made you feel like I was never happy with you , but the truth is I should not have been so selfish about everything and maybe it was because a part of me wanted to makes sure you would never leave my side but with the way I was behaving it  made you do the exactly the  opposite " leave me" sitting on those stairs thinking about what a  horrible person I am. I am truly sorry for what I have made you feel over the last few weeks or maybe even all the time we have been together. But I just couldn't take it when you walked passed me as though I was dead, I have always wanted to be invisible but that was to the people I did not like!! But to have the one you love do that to you is very hurtful, but I had deserved it!! After all I put you through and you took, but the one question thats running at the back of mind the whole time is why I can't just be like you.. strong enough to turn around the next day and realize that maybe I am better off without you!! maybe you are just headache after all, there are soooo many things you do and say which I don't get!! but not once in my whole entire life ... I have been able to let you feel like how you made me feel... but now I know that you have made me become scared .... enough to restrain from doing anything against your will, or even making you feel the slightest idea of being controlled or maybe in my terms loved... but I am scared now... and even though it hurts to sit here and not be with you right now playing with your hair or just holding your hand .. I do have to learn to live with the fact that maybe you just need to realize that it wasn't all me that made you so angry and upset, maybe it was so many other things that you can't yell at or ignore or give shit too, but I will take it and I am gonna always be there by your side even if it means i sit in the room and cry all night but the next day act like I know I was wrong so I am dealing with it... its tough .. I've made mistakes and I am sorry I am but ..... I don't know... how long I will be able to dwell in the fact that I have messed up ... when actually I feel that its both of us who need to work at it and not only me!! but i just feel like you gave up one me.. and I begged for a chance but I expected you to give it to me without asking you ...... that's me !! but i still love you and we are going to make it through ... I know that.